Save My Relationship - Why Listening Is More Important Than Hearing

By Jessica Hamilton

"How to save my relationship" - have you ever pondered this question? Asking yourself whether you and your loved one both want to save your relationship is the first step. A lot of hard work is entailed in repairing a strained relationship and this fact remains the same if you are married or have a common law dwelling with your partner. As long as all parties involved are ready and willing to put in the difficult work and tackle the problem issues then most marriages can be salvaged. In the event that only one person is willing to do what it takes, getting back to a place of happiness in the marriage is seldom achieved.

Only staying to together because it's familiar or for the kids are not good foundations on which one should build a relationship. Figuring out if there is any future between the two parties is based largely on whether or not both of you are willing to commit to weeding through the issues. Steps must be taken to resolve the ongoing problems and it cannot be done by only one individual. Both parties must be willing.

Digging deeper into the problems of a marriage or relationship usually reveal that cheating is most times a symptom that occurs as a result of stronger unresolved issues between the couple. Starvation for closeness in a relationship is many times the catalyst that causes a person to go looking for intimacy elsewhere. It is normal in many relationships to be tempted to ignore an incident of cheating as a way to save the marriage. This is the total wrong way to go about trying to save your marriage because you are not dealing with the actual problem which is the lack of intimacy. Facing the truth though initially more painful saves a lot of long term hurt that is inevitable when the issues are not dealt with.

Asking yourself how to save your marriage is a normal thing. However, for best results each partner should ask this question of the other partner to find out exactly where their problems lie so they can attack it head on. The only way to get the sometimes painful but necessary truth from your partner is to shut up and listen to them explain their issues with you and the relationship on a whole. Not liking everything that is said in this open time of discussion usually tempts many couples to avoid this part of the process but it is crucial to healing. It is important to recognize that your partner is not saying these things with the intention of causing pain but usually to get stuff off their chest that has been eating at them for quite some time.

Getting an understanding of the real issues in the relationship goes a long way in determining if the relationship should be worked on to salvage it. Before you retire to bed at night it is a good practice to take time off to hear the issues each partner has to voice. When performing this task it is important to really listen to the issues being discussed and not simply hearing them.

Another important fact to understand is that when a marriage has issues and the decision to save it has been reached the road ahead is long and hard but possible. A roller coaster of emotions await you as one day you may feel like you've made vast improvements and the next day you feel like the reset button was hit and you are starting over again from step one. Sorry is a word that is used too much in many relationships. My advice to you is to use this word sparingly. Only use it when you mean it ans using it too often makes it lose its' meaning. Each and every relationship comes with good times and bad times. The trick is to work towards increasing the good times and reducing the bad times. Always keep each other in mind and your actions will make the question how I can save my marriage a thing of the past.

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