Alexis's rise in her company was fairly rapid given the glass ceiling atmosphere that permeated it. Alexis lived the life many women only dream of: A great job, a beautiful home, three really nice kids and a loving, attentive husband - or so it seemed. She came to us at the point that her marriage had crumbled and the faade was destroyed.
"My husband Zach had always encouraged my career goals," she said. "I brought home big paychecks because my achievements catapulted me right up through the ranks to the status of a vice president." The reason why Alexis couldn't see why she was unable to save her marriage was because she was focused singly on herself and her desires. Didn't her husband have dreams and goals of his own? "His dreams were my dreams," she said tersely. "He never talked about anything he wanted."
Or had she not listened - or cared? The business he ran from their home had done very well, but she hadn't been interested in hearing about it except in a snatch or two of conversation while she was on the run. His accomplishments seemed insignificant beside hers. She would proudly and gleefully tell him about how she'd badger her bosses until she got what she wanted. She took delight in relating how she never hesitated to give an errant employee a tongue lashing if it was needed. Showing her temper and intimidating a hapless worker with an icy stare certainly was one of her trademarks and she was proud of it.
For her, being a bullish/bullying type that ran over others was an extension of who she was. As a child, it worked with her parents who acquiesced just to keep the peace. It was a life pattern that seemed to translate well into the business world she had chosen to conquer.
It was not surprising then that her bossy pushy nature started to have an impact on their home and their relationship. Zach tried to warn her, time and again, not only that she was being too controlling but if she wanted to save their marriage, she'd better tone it down. She always brushed him off. After 12 years, he'd had enough of her self-importance and know-it-all attitude. He left, fought for custody of the children and won.
Alexis realizes today that in not preserving her marriage she paid a huge price. Her lack of empathy and bloated self absorbency destroyed much of what she had built. "In becoming a success, I became a failure," she said. "Not appreciating my husband and letting the kids become an irritation caused me to lose everything that was important to me. It could have been different if I had been considerate and thoughtful. At work I'm more successful than ever, but I'm lonely; and frankly, no one likes me. I don't even like myself. The business world rewards hard drivers like me with lots of money and opportunities, but that same driving force has destroyed every relationship I've ever been in."
You may be like Alexis - a leader - a go-getter - who wants more than anything to win, to be victorious in whatever you do. Ambition is great as long as it does not replace what is most important. If you are married, and you want to save your marriage, what you do at home is all important.
Are you like Alexis - the leader - the person in charge - wanting to win at all costs? Ambition is great as long as it does not replace what is most important. If you are married, and you want to save your marriage, what you do at home is all important.
Since our main concern is you and your family, we urge you to take a good look at yourself and where you stand today with your spouse. Take a good hard look and decide is you are winning or losing in your marriage. Listen to your husband or wife and urge him or her to tell you straight out how you're coming across on the home front. Save your marriage. Save your children. Save what really matters. There has never been a single person who faced their old age regretting that they didn't spend enough time in the office. She does, however, wish she could go back and redo her relationships. We have been helping families accomplish all the goals together for years. Check it out. You can find many resources at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com, to become successful in balancing life and love.
Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
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Do you have marriage problems? You are not alone. 100's of thousands have used our marriage advice. Save my marriage , and get separate help for men Check here for free reprint licence: Is A Successful Woman A Failure?.
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